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The Mall-ing Dead

Posted on: January 12th, 2014 by brendanmckeigan


Happy Saturday, everybody! Unless you were in the mall today, then please, learn how to walk. Perhaps read a book on spatial awareness and social etiquette.

On three separate occasions today, I was looking at an item and had somebody walk right in front of me and start perusing the merchandise as if I wasn’t there. I’m not sure what’s worse; knowing somebody else is looking at something you want to look at and stepping right in front of them, or NOT knowing somebody else is looking at something you want to look at because you’re too daft to realize it. (Yes, I said daft. I’ve been watching a lot of BBC lately.)

There should be traffic lights for people in the mall too. How great would it be if the person in front you had brake lights so you knew they were going to suddenly stop for no reason? Or blinkers to alert people when they were going to throw themselves into foot traffic without looking? Much like Bart’s utility belt (which is way better than your cord, man). But seriously, how do you NOT know somebody is there. How bad is your peripheral vision that you don’t notice somebody who is already in FRONT of you?

When did shopping become a free-for-all event? You know, besides Black Friday and Christmas Eve. Why can’t people say, “Excuse me?” As much as people say that the young generation is to blame, please take note. Every SINGLE time I was faced with a rude shopper today, they were older. Not “get off my lawn” crotchety old, but baby boomer age.

On a more positive note, I was in a store for younger folk. Not for ruffians, but those good young’uns that are up on wearing the latest do-dads and whatcha-ma-thingers. I heard three people in one store today all say sorry to each other within the span of two seconds. Then they all made out. Okay, the last part didn’t happen. But the point is, saying, “Pardon me,” to somebody goes a long way. I will be more than happy to accommodate you. But just stepping in front of me and trying to box me out like an NBA player fighting for a rebound, just makes me want to Ron Artest your face like it was the Palace of Auburn Hills.

Play nice!

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