Welcome to 2014!
It’s the start of a New Year, and I have to say, 2013 was good to me. I recorded my first comedy special, I made a move from Toronto to Ottawa, and I have an incredible girlfriend that I just celebrated a year with in December.
I decided a while ago that it might be interesting to give a little insight into the life of a comedian, and here we are. The average person might go to a comedy club maybe once a year, have a great time and then when asked about it, it usually goes something like this:
“We had so much fun! The comedian was SO funny! “
“Oh yeah? That’s great! What was his name?”
“Not a clue.”
This wasn’t really a New Year’s Resolution, but more of an opportunity to have a great starting point for what I had in mind: A daily journal from a stand up comedian. These will be my thoughts and ideas on the things that happens to me in day to day life, and how I cope with them. A year long, autobiography of sorts. Maybe it will be funny, maybe not. But it should be interesting. So, enjoy!
New Year’s Eve is one of those holidays that everybody seems to overhype. I’ve had a variety of New Year’s Eves in my life, and the best ones are more about the quality of the people you’re with. I love performing on New Year’s Eve, but I’ve also performed on New Year’s Eve in Michigan. I’ve had great nights performing, and I’ve had great nights hanging out with a few friends and having a nice, quiet New Year’s.
I was supposed to have a gig at a bar in Ottawa. After two weeks of planning, booking and making a poster that didn’t look like garbage, the owner informed me a week before Christmas that they would rather close at 9:00pm. The reason? The owner didn’t want to pay her staff at holiday pay after midnight. Really? Forget the thousands of dollars they were going to make by putting on a show, people go out on New Year’s to have fun, let loose and spend more on tickets and booze than they probably should. But it was their decision, and it’s just business. I learned a while back to try and not take things like that too personally. It sucks, but what can you do? You can have New Year’s and not get paid instead! YAY….. damn.
Most people don’t plan their New Year’s until after Christmas. That leaves you with six days to plan an unforgettable night! I had a good New Year’s. Not great, but still good. It was one of those New Year’s where my girlfriend and I made plans. They fell through, and we improvised. This involved stopping at two different houses and making the rounds. It also meant I was driving. So on the plus side, this is the first New Year’s Day I woke up without a hangover since I can remember.
The first stop was to see some friends of my girlfriend. There were six of us, and we had shared some laughs and stories. I put on some Missy Elliot, “Work It,” on my phone, because sometimes you just need to put your thing down, flip it and reverse it. If you know the song at all, the best part is listening to half drunk people trying to figure out the lines after that. Last night I heard, “It’s your flippy-trippy van yam trap.” Apparently sometimes vans can be yam traps, whilst being both flippy and trippy. I also heard, “It’s your flippin’ dick I can’t stand, yeah!” Thankfully that wasn’t directed at me.
The second stop was a friend’s potluck dinner (or at least the tail end of it). It being New Year’s Eve, I was expecting some music and conversations. My girlfriend and I arrived around 11:15pm. We were supposed to make another stop, but time was running out. We were locked into this being where we ring in the New Year. We were also locked into watching stand up comedy on Netflix. Nothing like rubbing it in that my gig fell through.
I ended up bringing up a countdown on my phone. The guests were all very nice people, I just didn’t want midnight to come and we’re all watching Netflix. There’s nothing worse than missing the countdown. It happened to me once. I was still living in Sudbury, and we were using the radio as our music and party liaison. That was mistake number one. Then the DJ in his super-excited-to-be-a-DJ voice exclaimed, “We’ll be right back with the countdown, right after THIS!” And then Shania Twain played. Yeah, it was a few years ago now. The song finished, the DJ returned and exuberantly proclaimed, “Happy New Year everybody! We’re two minutes in, and I hope everybody is having a great time with loved ones!” Seriously? We had to make our own countdown, which was pretty pointless because none of us had a Delorean or a TARDIS to go back in time and ring in the year officially.
My phone was counting down from 3:00 minutes, and we all had scrambled to get everybody champagne for Midnight. We all stood around the island in the kitchen, staring at my phone. There was no music, just nine adults looking at a phone to know when to start pretending to know the words to “Auld Lang Syne.” I shouldn’t complain. My girlfriend still wants to kiss me, so that’s a plus! Midnight came and we all shared some hugs and handshakes and well wishes. It was somewhat uneventful, but I was in the company of good people, and that’s the important thing. It ended up being a pretty nice night. Not long after, we got home and went straight to bed. Literally, straight to bed. Not figuratively. We walked in the house, took of our coats, walked into the bedroom and went to sleep. And I’m 100 percent okay with that because I was up at 7:00am.
There’s something very gratifying about most places being closed on New Year’s Day. As I write this, I’m wearing some very comfortable track pants, and a shirt I received as a Christmas gift that says, “Bacon Makes Everything Better,” in an extra large. I look like a 90’s rap star, and I have no plans on changing into any other clothes today. It’s fantastic. Happy New Year’s everyone! I’m going to spend today lounging around the house and watching Sherlock. Because that show is amazing.
Health and Happiness in 2014!