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Posts Tagged ‘Ikea’

How To Move Assembled Ikea Furniture With A Mustang

Posted on: February 7th, 2014 by brendanmckeigan

Simple answer: Don’t. Don’t ever even think about it. It won’t work. It’s impossible. The idea of buying a used dresser from Kijiji and moving it in a Mustang defies physics.

I know, you’re probably thinking, “What do you mean it didn’t fit?” Well, here we go. My girlfriend and I wanted a 3 drawer dresser for the spare bedroom. She found one on Kijiji and asked if I would pick it up. I thought it was a smaller 3 drawer dresser. It was not.

Part of the male mindset made me think that I could still make it fit. The Mustang has wide doors, the front seat pulls up pretty far, and in my defense, at different times I’ve had a 46 inch television, a wall mural picture, a few massive suitcases, and three guitars in cases in that back seat. So I figured I’d give it a go.

The woman I bought it from was pretty great. She helped me carry the dresser down. After realizing it was difficult to hold with the drawers in, I took them out and placed them in the car. Now, with the dresser empty, I was free to attempt to fit the dresser into the car. Which quickly became the adult version of shoving a square peg through a round hole, only on a much larger scale. To the people driving by, I must have looked like a dog trying to carry a stick inside that won’t fit through the door. After finally giving up, I pulled the empty dresser that was a quarter of the way into my car, back out to place on the sidewalk. And that’s when the side supports broke.

Yup, I had already paid for this dresser, and now I had TWO pieces of broken support slats. Epic fail. Not only was it broken, I couldn’t take it with me. I had to carry the empty dresser, sans drawers, back upstairs to her apartment so I could come back with a different vehicle. Now I drove home with three drawers in the car, which is not a full dresser. I knew I had two broken slats as well, so I stopped into Ikea. Did you know they have a TON of those on hand? Like baseball bats in an MLB dugout, I saw him pull two slats from the shelves in the back. And they were FREE!

I finally got the dresser and patched it up. So, suck it, universe! I made the impossible, possible again and FIXED a piece of Ikea furniture! I’ll be teaching a workshop this spring about it. It will cost $500 cash, but I give you an allen key.

Luchador Masks and Kijiji Ads

Posted on: January 4th, 2014 by brendanmckeigan

 

Let me preface this entry by saying that I just finished working out to Insanity for the second time since New Year’s Eve and I can barely move right now. If I’m found in a catatonic state, please, tell my family I love them. That being said, as the good Doctor would say, “Allons-y!”

Yesterday was a productive and fun day. I went through my morning work routine, and then took some time to hang out with friends and comedians, Matt Davis and my roommate Josh Williams (@MattDavis and @JoshComedy). We watched the first episode of Breaking Bad and made horrible comments that most people would be offended by. However, comedians have much the same sense of humour as a doctor, police officer, firefighter, paramedics, etc., and why? Because emergency teams have seen it all, so they’ll naturally need something a little stronger than a knock-knock joke to laugh. Comedians have heard every joke under the sun about every topic imaginable.

I’m in the process of moving in with my girlfriend, so while at my apartment, I took the time to find some things I needed, and some things I didn’t need. As Matt Davis was watching Breaking Bad, I came out of my room wearing a black, pleather, Rey Mysterio luchador mask and casually said, “Has anybody seen my other winter glove?” To which Matt replied, “That is probably the best ‘come out of a room with something odd’ I may have ever seen.”

I took off the mask and threw it to Matt. His eyes lit up with excitement to don, as he called it, “fetish mask with a cross on it.” I went back in my room while Matt tried on the mask. I came back out wearing yet another luchador mask. I have no idea with wrestler wore this mask, but it’s pretty amazing. It’s a black, white and red mask, with white spikes on the top in a Mohawk, tassels hang off the back resembling hair, and the mouth is covered and replaced with a sinister grin. I plan on wearing it as a ski mask. Matt and I nearly walked into a convenience store wearing luchador masks. Keep in mind, it’s still the middle of a cold snap, and they’re surprisingly warm! My mask alone would cause nightmares. Matt probably has a picture of it on his Facebook or Twitter page if you’re looking for one. I think with all these new styles of toques coming out in Canada, (characters, animals, etc.,) somebody is missing out on a goldmine with thermal luchador masks. Plus, when Mexican wrestlers work in Canada, they can stay warm AND pull off a Springboard Dragon Rana Suicida. Obviously you want to be warm if you’re going to be attempting that one! Am I right?!

I also put up a Kijiji classified ad to sell my dresser. I need a new one. It’s an Ikea Hemnes 6-Drawer Dresser. It’s in great shape, just not big enough. Classified ads are always boring, so I had some fun writing mine. Here’s the ad:

Black-Brown Ikea Hemnes 6 Drawer dresser. Goes for $285 brand new. This one is also brand new, but it’s already put together. It’s a Christmas miracle! Asking $225 firm. Not a scratch on it. Notice I used actual pictures and not pictures from the website. Why do people do that? I followed the instructions and everything. Three grueling hours of my life, gone. I did that for YOU. Think of the fights that putting these things together can cause! I might have just saved your marriage, because this thing ended mine. You’re welcome!

I think some people are scared and don’t realize it’s a joke because I’ve had 185 views and only three emails in less than a day. I need a bigger dresser because I plan on buying way more luchador masks after yesterday. Happy Saturday!