Sometimes you’ve just got to cut-a-loose. Footloose. And then proceed to kick off your Sunday (or whatever day of the week it happens to be) shoes. Karaoke is a fantastic place for that.
Karaoke can be broken down to the following characters:
1) The Weirdo
2) The Entertainer
3) The Surprise
4) The Smoke Break
5) The DJ
And here’s what makes each of them great…
The Weirdo is the person who shows up alone. You aren’t sure if you should keep your distance, or makes friends so he doesn’t kill you. Generally very docile, The Weirdo is dressed for the songs he sings. Usually along the lines of Elvis, Garth Brooks, or Meatloaf. He can sometimes surprise you with his abilities, so never be too quick to judge.
The Entertainer is somebody who may not be the best singer, but dammit they have stage presence. Usually not afraid to make an ass of themselves, or just do whatever songs they want, The Entertainer knows what songs they can actually pull off, and what songs to avoid. The Entertainer also knows they could never be a professional singer.
The Surprise is somebody at karaoke that goes up on stage and makes everybody wonder why they don’t have a record contract in the first twenty seconds. These talented individuals can belt it out! You should buy them a drink, or get them a record deal. They are the head turners of karaoke in a way that makes your eardrums salivate. Metaphorically. If you salivate from your ears, see a doctor immediately.
The Smoke Break is delusional. Even if you don’t smoke, they make you want to leave the room. Friend and family often tell The Smoke Break that they have an incredible voice. The Smoke Break is chasing dreams that were placed in their head by unrealistic expectations. Yes, it’s sad. But sometimes, it’s entertaining. The Smoke Break will often sing, and place a finger to one ear, not realizing this does nothing if you don’t have a monitor in your ear to begin with.
The DJ is required at ALL times to wear track pants, a button up shirt, and a gold chain. Often times, The DJ is waiting to get discovered at their own karaoke night. Despite a room full of people, The DJ will take up to an hour worth of mic time a night, for purely selfish reasons, rather than making customers happy and keep a steady rotation going. The DJ at The Fox and the Fiddle in Toronto at Wellesley is the exception to the DJ rule. That guy is fantastic.
I know, some of you are probably thinking, “Really? I can’t sing. I would NEVER do karaoke.” Well, then you’re a little dead inside. Seriously, you can’t find ONE song that you want to entertain others with? If you know you can’t sing, pick a joke song like, “Ice, Ice, Baby,” or the theme song to “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.”
Karaoke night always ends with Journey.